The Elf's Bane
by Hazuzu
Summary: Sera decides to put a stop to Ellana Lavellan's flirting. What follows is an argument that leads to a decision both may soon regret...


"Just so you know, the sex thing? That's not gonna happen. So don't even think about it."

Ellana's ears twitched. Sera was stood at the stairs heading away from her quarters. She was sat on the railing, her legs swinging beneath her, and she was just about keeping her balance. If she was trying to look nonchalant, it wasn't working.

"The sex thing?" Ellana raised an eyebrow and shifted the pile of scrolls to the other side of her desk. There was a whole pile of them still to go, and her quill-hand was starting to ache.

"Yeah, you know. Poles in holes, or not, preferably." Sera stuck her tongue out. "Tongues in places, fingers up bums, that kind of thing."

"Is that what that is?" Ellana feigned a gasp. "And here I thought it was an Orlesian delicacy. What a fool I must seem."

"You asked, Ladybits."

"I asked what you mean by the sex thing." Ellana flexed her fingers and stifled a wince. She'd have switched to her marked hand if that didn't end up hurting worse whenever she used it. "What sex thing? Who's involved? What makes it worth mentioning to me?"

"You mean..." Sera rolled her eyes. "Arrogant. The sex thing, you and me. I'm not going to shag you."

Ellana lifted her eyes from her desk to stare at Sera. She was still happily perched in the light of the fading sun.

"When did I ever ask to shag you?" Ellana asked, the word unfamiliar on her tongue.

"Uh, only all the time?" Sera held up her hand and started counting off fingers. "When we spoke at Haven, a bunch of times. When we got here, again, acting like just 'cause I called you pretty that means I fancy you? And uh..." She paused. "Whatever, point is, I don't. I'm not interested. Got it?"

"Oh, I see." Ellana allowed herself to smile a little. It wasn't entirely genuine "You think a few flirty comments means I want to sleep with you."

"'Cause that's the point of it," Sera's eyes narrowed just a smidgen. "You don't flirt unless you want to get into someone's knickers."

"Don't I?" Ellana asked. "I thought I decided what the things I say mean." Except for when it came to oratory, as Josephine had drilled into her a dozen times. But she hardly has to choose her words carefully when she's talking to Sera, of all people.

"You..." Sera hopped off of the railing and shook her head. "Right, you're doing that elf thing, aren't you?"

"What elf thing?" Ellana looked around her desk. "I don't remember nearly so much paperwork with my clan."

"You're doing it again!" Sera jabbed an accusing finger at Ellana.

"Unless you mean being an elf, which I have no control over, I really have no idea what you're talking about." Ellana put her quill down. It was clear that she wasn't going to get any use out of it soon.

"Sure, right, no idea. Only being a smug prick."

"This again?" Ellana sighed and rose from her seat. She paced to the window, to the balcony that looked out over the Frostback Mountains. The cool breeze was a welcome sensation, the snowy peaks a reprieve from the remembered frustration. "You can't keep throwing… Elfy-ness?" That was the word she always used to describe it. "At me. Especially not when it has nothing to with what your problem is."

"But it does have to do with it, 'cause that's what you all do." Sera's feet paced behind Ellana. "Oh, Sera, you don't get magic, it's not scary. I get it because I'm a proper elf and we know how to do real good magic, thanks."

"I've never said you're not a proper elf," Ellana calmly said. She'd learned that lesson on her first trip outside the clan; the elves of the cities, the merchants, the craftsmen, were just as much elves as the Dalish. They certainly didn't like any implication otherwise.

"I don't wanna be a proper elf!" Sera huffed. "You can take your ears and shove them up your arse."

"Then what is your pro-"

"My problem is you talking down all the time, you and that bloody egg." Sera's footsteps were getting closer with every second. "I know what magic is! It does things, and it does bad things, and we shouldn't have to deal with it."

"You don't have to deal with it. That's what the Inquisition has experts for," Ellana said. She rubbed her hands together, lest the cold aggravate her aching fingers.

"Oh, right, because that's who you can trust. People who only know about magic," Sera scoffed. Then she was beside Ellana, but she was ignoring the mountains. She seemed to prefer glaring at Ellana. "Just like you can trust the baker about how good his buns are. If they started agreeing that magic's rotten, they wouldn't have jobs."

"But we are dealing with magic, Sera." Ellana turned to face her. "So we need experts, we need mages, we might even need elves, whether you like it or not. Complaining to me about it isn't going to change that, and pestering me isn't going to make my job any easier."

"I… You..." Sera shook her head, a grimace twisting her features. "You didn't mind pestering when I was complimenting you. But when you stop feeling like your arse is being kissed, I'm a pain in it, right?"

"What?" Ellana frowned. "Find me someone who doesn't like being complimented and I'll find you a golden halla. And yes, I could do with more of that and less whining about the fact that an elf is in charge for once."

"And there it is, yeah?" Sera snorted. She hadn't taken her eyes off of Ellana since she joined her side. "You're in charge and that's all that matters. Ooh, look at me, I've got a throne and some pointy ears, so that means all elves were right all the time and anyone else can kiss my stupid elf boots."

"We don't wear boo-"

"I know you don't wear boots!" Sera snapped. "That's not the point, is it?" She jabbed a finger at Ellana's chest. "You're the Inquisitor and that means you're in charge and you're already becoming a right nob!"

"Oh, yes, I remember choosing to become the Inquisitor." Ellana used the back of her hand to swipe Sera's finger away from her chest. She had to keep her cool. "It isn't because I happened to come out of a tear in the Fade, or because I happened to be the tie-breaker in a collective vote, or because I happened to survive an avalanche. No, it was all planned, so I could annoy you, specifically. You've got me figured out."

"It doesn't matter if it's planned! It's what it is, innit?" Sera jabbed her finger at Ellana again. "You're in charge and you're being a pillock and an elf, and that's twice as bad!"

"Stop poking me, Sera. And no, it isn't twice as bad, because you're the only one who seems to have a problem with it!"

Sera laughed bitterly. It was a particularly unpleasant sound coming from someone who Ellana, on the whole, did like. When she wasn't acting like a cornered rat while standing in an open field, anyway.

"You think that I'm the only one who thinks it? Lots of people do, they just won't say it to your face. Because you're too big for that, got it? They look at you and they see you're an elf and that you're the Inquisitor and they've been taught their whole lives to keep their heads down, don't anger m'lord or m'lady or m'lord and m'lady's servants, or you'll get the switch. And you can't just yell at them, can you?"

"I'll prove my worth to them by doing what I already am: Stopping Corypheus." Ellana held back a snarl. "And until I do, they're keeping quiet. They're not coming to my quarters, of their own volition, and pestering me about things that I, apparently, can't do anything about."

"And what's that mean?" Sera sneered.

"It means that I've worked with you in almost everything you've requested of me! Whenever you need resources for your Friends, I have made sure you've had them. Whenever you've asked me to look the other way on something, I have done it." Ellana pointed a finger down to punctuate her statements. "And still you pester me with this imagined nonsense! I have shown no favoritism towards my people, I've barely been able to support my clan, for Mythal's sake!"

"For most people, that has been good enough," Ellana went on. "They have seen me treating people as fairly as my resources allow. Cullen might complain about mages, Josephine about diplomatic difficulties, but they have all seen my effort and respected it! Everyone but you, coming and complaining to me about some perceived elven characteristics that you have arbitrarily decided I have too many of!"

"It's not arbitrary when you're showing it off all the time!" Sera scowled up at her and put a little more pressure on her finger.

"I'm not! Or do you expect me to scrape my Vallaslin off?" Ellana ignored the blunt fingernail digging into her chest.

"Your what?" Sera's nose crinkled in a mixture of disgust and confusion.

"My tattoos," Ellana said through gritted teeth.

"So why not just call them that instead of showing off how elfy you are?"

"Because it's what they're called!" Ellana spun around, away from Sera, and ran a hand through her hair. "Not everyone has to see things how you see them, Sera! I don't understand half the things you say, and you don't see me acting with revulsion whenever you say twat, or nobgobbler, or nug-humping arsebiscuit!"

"They're normal words! You should know what they mean!" Sera barked and stomped around so that she was in Ellana's field of view again. Ellana spun on her heel, and Sera followed again. "Stop turning your nose up at me!"

"I'm trying not to look at your stupid face!" Ellana growled. "And they're not normal, they're Fereldan! Like what I say is Dalish, like milieu is Orlesian! I can't believe I have to explain this to anyone who isn't a child!"

"Oh, so I'm a child now, right?" Sera's lips curled as she spoke. "Just because I don't know elfy things!"

"No, because you won't listen!" Ellana glared into Sera's ignorant eyes. "You drown out the rest of the world and act like it's the world's fault that you're confused! You hate your own people for reasons I can't even begin to fathom! And you let that hate build, and build, and when you feel terrible because of it, you blame me for inflicting it on you! Well, I can't help fix your problems, Sera! For that, you'd need a healer, and I can already predict your answer to that!"

"Yeah?" Sera puffed up her chest and put her hands on her hips as she leaned in, her nose inches from Ellana's. "What's that?"

"I don't need a healer! I just need common sense, just need the will of the people. But only the people you decide are your people, of course. While stealing Dalish methods, no less!"

"Piss off! I don't steal from your lot!"

"No?" An exaggerated laugh spilled from Ellana's lips. "Groups of lower-class, persecuted individuals work together to share what information they can to ensure their freedom, or at least relative safety, from those who would seek to abuse their own power at the expense of said group's., while operating in minute cells spread all across Thedas. Am I talking about the Dalish or the Friends of Red Jenny?"

"You can make anything sound the same if you use enough words!" Sera rolled her eyes. "Elves are snobby, self-righteous arses who lord how clever they are over little folk. Nobles are, too. That's what you are; just a bunch of pricks like the rest of them!"

"And you're a mouthy little child who lashes out at anything more complicated than pointing a bow at something!" Ellana hissed. "And you ought to thank the Evanuris that you were born with elven grace, or your bow would have been broken and your throat slit by some common thug before you had so much as a callous on your stringfinger!"

"I'm not good because of Evapricks! I'm good because I'm good!" Sera's fists were clenched at her sides, her knuckles white and her face red with anger. "And I'd thank the Maker, anyway, because He's real!"

"Excuse me?" Ellana's chest rattled with fury. "If you make one more comment, just one more, about my gods, I wil-"

"You'll what? Use some elfy magic?" Sera shoved Ellana in the chest. She stumbled backward, grabbing on to the edge of the window frame to keep herself up. "Go on then! Give it to me!" She shoved Elanna again, then stepped forward, almost pinning her against the wall. "Or is it all a bunch of shite, like the rest of i-"

Ellana's slap echoed across the room.

Sera licked her lips, her head bobbing.

Ellana stared, seething.

Then it started. Sera swung a fist at Ellana's gut, forcing some of the air out of her lungs. Ellana retaliated by lunging forward, her body weight forcing Sera back. At least, until she scrambled away from the lunge and threw herself at Ellana's side. Sera's arm wrapped around Ellana's neck as she drove a knee into her stomach. The Inquisitor grunted and forced her weight to the side, slamming Sera into the desk. The stacked scrolls scattered across the floor.

"That hit my arse," Sera growled as she pulled herself back to her feet, one hand rubbing her tailbone.

"Oh no." Ellana's voice was raspy from the blow to her torso. "Is my desk chipped?"

Sera lunged for the other elf again, but Ellana managed to hop back in the nick of time. Sera spun around, her elbow slamming into Ellana's shoulder, but that cost her some stable footing. Ellana kicked her hard in the shin, forcing her to her knees, and smacked her on the other cheek. Before she could bring her hand down for another, Sera grabbed Ellana's breeches and tugged them down. Just to her thighs, but it was enough.

The shove that followed forced Ellana onto her backside, and then Sera was upon her. A flail of limbs went in both directions, as fist met bicep, elbow met shoulder, knees scraped thighs. Sera managed to grab a handful of Ellana's hair, but only for a second before she had a knee lodged uncomfortably between her thighs.

Both tried to stand up whenever the chance came, but the other would catch them, by the ankle, by the waist, and bring them back down to the floor. Before long, their snarls and growls turned into barely-present pants. Their grapples turned into chances to catch their breaths before trying to seize the advantage again.

They only realized how much time had passed when sunlight stopped gracing the Inquisitor's quarters. Sera barely had the energy to pin Ellana's arms down, since the strength in her own had faded. Ellana tried to drain her reserves of venom for one last insult, but she couldn't manage so much as that. And nor did it seem could Sera, as the elf collapsed on top of her.

Sera could just barely support herself with her elbows, her face hovering over Ellana's.

"Bitch," Sera breathed.

"Dirthara-ma," Ellana hissed.

Sera's eye twitched. Then, she kissed Ellana. It was a hungry thing. All the anger, all the venom, all the effort thrown into their fighting, and neither one of them had come out of it the victor. Ellana needed the catharsis. That was why she kissed back.

Braziers and torches had been lit all over Skyhold when Ellana slipped out of her sheets. Sera was still among them, sleeping, sprawled out on the sheets with her mouth lolling open and the bruises now-formed all over her body. Ellana looked down at herself, at the bruises, cuts, and, she realizes, bite marks that had been left on her.

"Mala suledin nadas," Ellana muttered to herself as she picked up the fallen scrolls. If she had just made a mistake… She would have to endure the consequences.


End file.
